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[征文作品] ［校园］「２００９文心雕龙」「金牌老妈我惩教1~5」（连载中）（96号作品）

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1楼 大 中 小 发表于 2010-1-24 02:49  显示全部帖子
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楼住不错 对于故事的发展描写的很好 不过就是在肉搏戏上面的描写不是很精彩
还有就是既然是写校园的 女同学也要多写几个进去  希望你继续加油 再写下去

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